jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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