Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need water and some morals
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
