I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
