i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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