i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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