Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
