But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
