Your face is a jimmy john
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize