What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
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