I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
