what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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