Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
