Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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