I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
