I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
