Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
