It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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