Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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