The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
