So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize