WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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