i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
