my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
