did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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