Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize