My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
