Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
love makes seman taste better
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
