i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
