the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
