college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
