I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize