I wish I could teleport
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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