Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
