In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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