i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
