The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
