It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
