So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
being pregnant is like rehab
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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