My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
