I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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