i think my tv is drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
