White coat. Heels.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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