I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Terrible idea I love it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
