HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
