Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
