And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
do nipples grow back?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
