I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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