Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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