cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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