is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize