Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
