she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
