capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
