when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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