if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
