You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
