I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
