if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
