at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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