I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
