oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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