I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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