i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
