I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
