my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
