his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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