i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
