Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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