If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
