You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
