i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
