I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's get the cat blown out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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