Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
