i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
