I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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