the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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